Young Hung Stud Seeks Same The Myths Behind the Wanton Ads Genesis In the beginning, there was Cock. And Cock said: "Let there be Fuck!" But Cock was all alone. So Cock sat brooding over the abyss until He brought forth the Los Angeles Advocate, "The Newspaper of America's Homophile Community." And then He placed a personal ad: SLAVES WANTED Young cattle baron requires hardy heavy hand for sweaty chores, barn discipline, to be corraled and trained to the whip & bridal. Rack available for stubborn, arrogant, or unruly Ms who are slow or sluggish. Three categories of service available: full-time modern day slavery, all needs provided for; part-time weekend work; or one-night only. Seek experienced Ms for service business. Write to: Jerome. Cock's message from on high inspired great envy in the Devil. So he jealously placed his own ad: LOOK NO MORE! This is the ad you've been waiting for! W/M, lthr trnd, frgl slv mvng East. Sks yng, musclr, clean, w/e, sincr, responsbe, undrstndng. W/S, B&D expt, lt S/M if necs. No inhbtns. Needs someone to serve & obey. Can hlp w hshld expens. No frks, fats, fems, drgs, drnks, leeches. Pls write instrctn to: Neal. For those not yet initiated into the mysterious language of the Old Testicle, I provide a translation of this rubric: LOOK NO MORE! This is the ad you have been waiting for! White male, leather trained, fragile slave moving East. Seeks young, muscular, circumcised, well endowed, sincere, responsible, understanding. Water sports, bondage and discipline expected, light sadomasochism if necessary. No inhibitions. Needs someone to serve and obey. Can help with household expenses. No freaks, fats, fems, drugs, drunks, or leeches. Please write instructions to: Neal. The Devil speaks with a forked tongue, and it is useful to decipher some of the hieroglyphics in this magical text: B&D — bondage and discipline S/M — sadomasochism Ms — masochists w/e; w/end — well endowed, well hung clean — circumcised, clean cut Gr act — Greek active, i.e. anal insertor Gr pas — Greek passive, i.e. anal receptor Fr act — French active, i.e. oral insertor Fr pas — French passive, i.e. oral receptor li S/M — light (mild) sadomasochism CP — corporal punishment C/B/T/T — cock, ball and tit torture W/S — water sports, i.e. urinating etc. J/O — jack off, i.e. masturbation FF — fist fucking Lv's — Levi's, including denim fone frk — phone freak, i.e. dirty talk etc. gdlk — good looking, i.e. godlike LIAHO — Let It All Hang Out How I Learned To Love The Whip Yea, though I walk through the valley of bondage and discipline, I will fear no heavy scene, for thou art with me. Thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. He leadeth me beside the toilet for his name's sake, and annointest my body with the scent of leather. And I shall dwell in the game room of my Lord forever. Amen. This prayer comes from the hymnal of Southern California's most fully developed gay religious sect, the S/M Cult. Its major centers of worship are Hangin' Tree Country Store and A Taste of Leather, two temples which distribute the magical implements for the proper ceremonial ritual, which they call "A Trip." S/M EQUIPMENT Racks, pillories, stocks, whipping posts, cages & heavy, clunky, freaky, wood & iron, handcrafted to your design, or our engineers will build to your exacting requirements. Manual or hydraulic power. Built by Ms for Ms. Each piece thoroughly field-tested. Satisfaction guaranteed. Smaller chapels such as Paean, David, Sovereign, Tantalus, and Goliath (we can see the mythological roots) specialize in certain kinds of ritual implements: THE TANTALIZERS Add zest to any scene. Unique Ball Stretcher/Cage, black leather, adjusts to fit. Subtle. COCK & BALL HARNESS Increase your turnover by 20%. Makes you feel like you're gently being groped. Guaranteed to fit. Adds inches to your sex life. NIPPLE NIPS Padded jaws, leather loops for weights. Attach anywhere. VIBRATORS Seven inches from base to tip of head. Shaft is four inches round. Uses two "C" cell batteries. The vibrator is of course the magic wand of all gay cults. It is an idol representing the great God of Gods, BIG DICK. Mystic kabbalistic interpreters of His holy name refrain from saying it in full, and utter only the letters "B/D" as they kneel to propitiate his divine wrath. The leather idolator's legendary Hero is Hercules, ritual bearer of the Big Club and the Lion Skin. This totem-skin is the origin of all leather, the priestly vestment which all leather acolytes must wear while paying homage to their deity. The High Priest of this cult is Rev. Larry Townsend, prophetic author of The Leatherman's Handbook, otherwise known as The Bible. The Order of the Boot Sometime during the Middle Modern Ages, the Leather Cult experienced a Great Schism, with the result that there grew up a Reformation group known as the Levi Cult. The tutelary deity of this cult is called COWBOY, whose origins are lost in the obscure mists of the Wild, Wild West. His priesthood worships at the temple of Colt Studios, the name of which indicates that in the beginning the animistic natives may have worshipped Cowboy in the form of a horse. The shepherds in his flock are called Studs, another indication of the prehistoric agricultural society in which this cult originated. The legends about Cowboy are legion. His lasso represents the archetypal ouraborus, or serpent biting its tail, which symbolizes the unity of active and passive. Like Mercury with his winged sandals, Cowboy is said to have accomplished great marvels with his Magic Boots: DIG BOOTS? Freak out over loggers, western or heavy motorcycle types? Write to: Butch. The Levi movement gains new converts every day. Votaries at Cowboy's altar prefer the rites of B&D to S/M, and they have a larger pantheon of deities: VIRILE, MUSCULAR Ruged male, 35, 6', 175lbs, wishes to meet construction workers, lumberjacks, athletes, truckdrivers, servicemen, bodybuilders, or rugged males for man-to-man relaxation. The canonical robes of his worshippers are also more varied than those of the Leather Cult: COWBOY & STUD Young athlete bodybuilder will supply you with any well used item: straps, T-shirts, Levi's, dirty, smelly jocks & sox to groove on after hard and hot workout. Write to: Steve. The lay brethern in the Levi Cult are seeking to return along the Mystic Path to their origins in the animal kingdom, especially by initiating "dirty, sweaty, hairy studs." The missionaries of this cult actively seek converts from indigious non-white cultures: MEXICAN BOYS Stars of Gay Mexico. Danny Au Naturel. Hunky, sensuous, exotic young Portuguese. HOT CHOCOLATE Handsome nude black & Latin dudes of truly classic proportions prove that clothes don't make the man. A Buddy To Bruise Around With From the Great Schism also emerged a Couter-Reformation movement emphasizing strict orthodoxy, known as the Cult of Blood Brothers. Their highest deity is Antaeus, famed for his great wrestling match with Hercules, at the end of which he recited the mystic incantation "Winner takes Loser." They wear the loin-cloth of the mendicant friars, preach a doctrine of brotherly love, and practice the ancient ritual of Brother- Battle, part of the kingship ritual of most primitive tribes. Here is a prayer from their litany: WRESTLING FREAK 160lbs, 5'8", wants to meet others who really groove on grunt 'n' groan for some rugged no-holds-barred mat action. Write to: Rassler. Their archdeacons are the six men on the New York City Wrestling Team, and one of their mythical Heroes is Charles Atlas. This cult has two other initiation ceremonies for those who wish to advance to the level of superior abbot. The first is a rite of baptism known as W/S or Water Sports, sometimes also called Toilet Training or Scats Club. The officiant at the rite solemnly administers an enema to the candidate and then sprinkles him with urine, exrement, mud and sperm. TOILET DOG SLAVE Groovy 24yr toilet dog slave seeks all masters for humil scenes, W/S, scat, latrine service; all toilet scenes, dog food, force feeding, etc. The raunchier & dirtier the better. Write to: Ken. Candidates who wish to advance further in the hierarchy must present their posteriors for a ritual known as "Make All Deliveries To The Rear." BOTTOM WORSHIPPERS Saucy stud seeks spanking. Brat, 170lb, avg bld, badly needs woodshed discipline from muscular buck who can wrestle my pants off, put me over his knee & hold me there while he blisters my bottom. Write to: Bob. The ritual removal of garments of course symbolizes divine rebirth. Hot & Horny There is an obscure sect of wandering monks, somewhat like the Hermits in the Wilderness, known as the J/O Cult: LEND A HAND CLUB Virile always horny stud living in isolated area. Forced to depend on hand and/or toys. Seeks to correspond with those interested in comparing J/O technique. Write to: Andy. They communicate with their far-flung brethren through oracular correspondence. Many of them are fone frks who perform a ritual dance at the sound of their thunder-god, Heavy Breather. An equally obscure sect, another totem-animal religion, is the Chicken Cult. Their boy-god Chuck is a younger incarnation of Butch, one of the Levi Heroes. His mystic number in the prudent New Testicle is "18+." The priesthood of this cult frequently go on pilgrimages: MOROCCAN CHICKEN? Need experienced companion for discreet but lively chicken tour of Morocco. Share expenses. Write to: Occupant. Each initiate into this cult is called Boy Friday. The most refined of all the gay religious tribes is the Cult of Orpheus, god of poetry and music. The clerical cassock of this order consists of a fluffy sweater or ivy-league suit, and the chapel is called the Hair Dressers. They worship Narcissus: IS THERE ANOTHER ME? I have lots to offer as a lover. Interests include classical music, theatre, and literature. Seek sensitive guy with similar qualities. Am 35, 6', 170lbs, good bod, endowed, successful and attractive. Own sensational Victorian mansion and luxury car. Artistic but masculine. Write to: Philip. They are forever in search of a Sincere Friend to accompany them on their mythical Quest for the Opera. Call Me Anytime The members of all these cults occasionally have their faith restored by visits from Sacred Temple Prostitutes. The Ancient Order of Masseurs was founded by Bishop Clark of "The Clark System," and their wizardry performs miracles. With the rhythmic, syncopated strokes of their thaumaturgic hands, they heal the soul and renew the body. HAIRY MUSCULAR DUDE Hot and hunky Larry gives you a modelling session you won't forget! BLACK & BEAUTIFUL I give the most complete, satisfying body massage in town. Can you dig a black stud? Call: Richard. PROFESSIONAL LICENSED MASSEUR Treat yourself to a complete tune-up: lube job, fuel ejection system tested, battery recharged, and your hot system cooled with my special oil emulsions. Master Charge accepted. There are of course other gay cults and rites, but anthropologists have not yet studied the material fully. The great Secret of Secrets behind many of these cults seems to derive from the Asiatic concept of the ecstatic void: The Glory Hole. There are a variety of alchemists preparing magic potions such as Athos Anal Lubricant, in magically disposable packets, and an order of soothsayers practising Twin Mars astrology. The Advocate necessarily does not tell the complete story, for like many church manuals it has excommunicated two heretical cults, one ruled by Sapphy, Mother of the Amazons, and the other ruled by Sissy, Queen of the Drags. There is also an apocryphal gospel entitled The Coming Thing, which prophesies that in a lowly sauna in Bethlehem, Ohio, Our Saviour Mr Right will be born unto the Virgin Precious, will be entrapped by a false kiss from Jimmy the Agent Provocateur, will be photographed by Prints Charming, will be gang-banged by the Chain Gang, and on the third day of His passion will arise from bed with a halo girding His loins, whereupon He will forgive us our follies and friendship will rule the world. Copyright © 1975, 1997 Rictor Norton. All rights reserved. Reproduction for sale or profit prohibited. This essay may not be archived, republished or redistributed without the permission of the author. CITATION: If you cite this Web page, please use the following citation: Rictor Norton (Ed.), Young Hung Stud Seeks Same: The Myths Behind the Wanton Ads. 21 Dec. 1999, updated 17 June 2008 <http://rictornorton.co.uk/stud.htm>. Return to Queer Culture